Cafe Primrose

The Barn Yard Weekly Crime Report 5/11/15

Posted on May 11, 2015

The Felons Commit Vandalism.

The Felons Commit Vandalism.

The week started out fine…. Low crime…. But I noticed the goats laying about their new enclosure, they were clearly very busy plotting…. Plotting a jail break from the new enclosure. They planned for days. it wasn’t till Wednesday or Thursday, that they broke out as I was going out through the new gate. They just whizzed right past me. Anyone who says that goats don’t give people the finger because all they have are hooves is selling something. I had to round them up and return them to the Azkaban Goat Enclosure for criminal goats. They were charged with felony conspiracy to commit felony jail break. In addition to these charges, they have also been charged with the usual domestic batter charges and assault charges. This week, we managed to keep the car theft attempts in check. We would feel good about that, except…… The chickens were arrested committing felony car theft this week.

When one of our B&B guests opened the door of his vehicle with his adorable son in tow, a bunch of chickens jumped in the back seat. They were removed though before they managed to hot wire the car. When asked what they were thinking they responded, “We just wanted a bag of dried worms they sell at the Tractor Supply.” They were incarcerated for a day as penalty. When released they said, “Why were we incarcerated for a day? Our brains are smaller than peas and we can’t recall.” The chickens robbed the new vegie garden yesterday….. They were fined for domestic abuse in the form of their favorite worm treats that they did not receive as a result of the violent assault on one of their own. We also seem to have a big male rooster who runs around forcing himself on the hens. This case has not yet gone to court. But it may wind up there soon.

The cats remain incarcerated until they have their proper shots. Being unvaccinated is quite a crime if on is a cat. They are receiving accolades though for being model prisoners. Our rodent population has all but disappeared just from having the cats in the barn. Even though they are still caged. Their release date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. They can’t wait and neither can I.
The dogs, were apprehended for the crime of felony attempted murder of a chicken. No need for anyone to worry. Some feathers were lost, the chicken was fine. The dogs were duly punished.

And that does it for this week’s barn yard crime report. Tune in again next week for more chronicling of barn yard crimes. I do apologize for once again using an old photo but sadly these crimes can be hard to catch on film. And I do like to have a picture.

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